Do Your Job

This is an actual email that I received and my response, some names have been removed solely because I'm a nice guy. Though I really need to add to my resume (don't worry co-workers I'm not looking for a job this is just a great source of entertainment for me) something about half assed recruiting attempts will be met with sarcasm.

Dear VT,

I am writing to let you know that you have contacted me via a Job Portal. In order for this to go further please follow the directions below for a face-to-face meeting after going through the following details.

1. Your unique employer information number 3241231 Please use this number in all future correspondence with me.

2. Your reporting time at the local coffee shop will be 6:30PM(LOCAL TIME) Please send me back a couple of other times if this won't work for you.

3. Please read my resume, this will catch you up on background information, and have a list of jobs that are appropriate for me.

4. To confirm that you want to move forward with this please send me an email with a picture of a kitten. This assures that this is not some automated non-sense or just a mass mailing to Monster users from a recruiter who simply searched on a key word and sent this to everyone that matched.

5. Please send me a list of the current salaries of the team that I will be working with, including W2s.

6. Please make sure you bring money for you own coffee as this will not be covered by me, $3 should be sufficient. If you don't bring money you'll have to pan handle for change to pay for it.

7. Please note that 90% of the time I work from my living room, if this causes a problem please highlight this.

8. Please look for an email that has the title JUMPING_THROUGH_HOOPS: 3241231 in next few days.

9. If anything about your company has changed recently please update your website then send the links with the changed pages.

10. If you would like to withdraw from this process at anytime please let me know by sending an email with a picture of a dog attached.

I look forward to hearing from you and wonder if you think what I'm asking you to do any more ridiculous than what you have sent me?

later,
dan

On Jan 29, 2007, at 8:17 AM, VT wrote:

Dear DC Dan,



We are writing to you with regard to the CV sourced by us from a Job Portal/ your application to us for employment. We would like to bring to your notice that we are organizing recruitment events across different centres in USA to fill variousJob Openings (https://[COMPANYNAME].com/Jobs_USA.asp) with [COMPANYNAME] in the USA. You can view the Recruitment Calendar (https://[COMPANYNAME].com//recruitmentcalendar.asp) to obtain details of the venues/dates for these events. Please let us know if it would be convenient for you to meet us for a face-to-face discussion after going through the below mentioned details.



1. Your unique Candidate Identification Number with [COMPANYNAME] is 2453971Please quote this reference number in all future correspondence with us.

2. Your reporting time for this appointment is 03:00PM(LOCAL TIME) In case it’s inconvenient for you to participate at this suggested time, please get back to us with 2-3 alternate time slots (between 9 am & 5 pm local time) that are convenient for you. Please plan to spend approximately 90 to 120 minutes for the whole process.

3. The objective of this meeting is to evaluate your background and explore possible roles with [COMPANYNAME]. If you have specific queries on the opportunities for which you are considered, the HR personnel at the venue would be able to help you.

4. To confirm participation please reply to this e-mail by prefixing the subject line with “CONFIRMED–EventCode-Candidate_Identification_Number”. For example “CONFIRMED–NC03MAR-2453971” Please send your confirmationsAtleast 3 days prior to the recruitment event date. You can obtain the EventCode from the Recruitment Calendarevents.

5. Please download a set of documents (Employment Application, Release Authorization, disclosure to Employment Applicant) from https://[COMPANYNAME].com/EmploymentForms_USA.zip that are required to be filled. Once filled, please submit these to us by faxing to +1-831-555-1212 along with a copy of the recent pay stub prior to attending the face-to-face discussion. Please also carry the originals of all these documents and also your latest CVwhen you come for this meeting.

6. If you are travelling from a different location, please be informed that we will not be able to reimburse any claim for travel expenses; without a prior Tele-interview done.

7. Please note that location of posting could be at any of the [COMPANYNAME] offices in the USA. If you have any constraint on the location of posting, we expect you to highlight to us before you come for a face-to-face discussion.

8. In the event it is inconvenient for you to take part in a face-to-face discussion in the near future, we can consider you for a Tele-interview on most of the days. For requesting the same, please reply to this mail (prefix “TELEINTERVIEW:2453971” in the subject line) indicating 3 choices of interview dates. Your choice of dates should start from the 5th business day from the date of your response. Also ensure that a convenient time (morning/day/evening/any) is specified which will help me fix a mutually convenient schedule with the interviewer.

9. In case there are any changes in your profile since the time you applied, we request you to send us your updated CV in the Profile Snapshot template while requesting the Tele-interview.

10. In the event you are temporarily not looking for any employment opportunities, may we still request you to reply to this email with subject-line “Withdraw Application:2453971” so that we will suspend processing your application.



We look forward hearing from you soon.



Thanks and Regards,

VT
Team Recruitment
[COMPANYNAME] , Bangalore|Electronics city| India |080–5551212| Extn: 555|
_______________________________________________________________________
Determination is the wake-up call to the human will.






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PS: You may refer http://maps.google.com for driving directions to this location.





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